TINAYINBOTHPOLES 2.0

Motherhood - it’s difficult but it’s rewarding. Thank you for showing me that, Ma. I love you.
Thank you for accepting me into your life. I owe you a lot.

Pampa-inspire kasi limang oras ko nang pinagluluksa yung write-up kong nasayang. Hi Maki.

#1299

Woke up at 5am. Started working at 6ish. Fed Maki. 500 words in an hour. Gave Maki a bath. Put her to sleep. Went straight back to work. 1500 words in 3 hours. Lunch. Bath. 30-minute break. Worked on a 600-word write-up. Sucked at it. Deleted 300 words. Went to Amazon and Multiply for motivation. Lurked and ranted on Facebook and Twitter. Went back to the empty project space. Wrote 100 words. Deleted them again. Cried. Almost smashed head against keyboard. Put Maki to sleep. Talked to Maki. Put Maki to sleep. Cleaned Maki up. Put Maki to sleep. Wrote-deleted-wrote-deleted. Almost pressed the “cancel-i don’t want to write this content” button. Thought about it. Still needs cash. Wrote again. 600ish words. 8pm. Submitted content. Checked mail. Scribbled nonsense bullshit on Tumblr.

Okay. Close enough.

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#1285

I was putting Maki to sleep when a familiar song plays in the background.

It was Pink’s Family Portrait.

Talk about awkward. I really hope she’d understand everything when she grows up.

I’m really tempted to write more about this subject, but I’d rather just leave it to myself. Some things are just better left unsaid.

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5188

(via dearscarlet)

Dear Scarlet, I’m 24 years old, 24 and a half to be specific. A lot of people my age either have careers or are well on their way to getting to that point. When I got pregnant with you, your dad and I decided that it would be best for me to stay at home as much as possible. Neither one of us liked the idea of daycare. I’ve spent the past 5 years either growing you in my body or raising you. I never want you to feel like I regret this. While I never want you to be financially trapped into a situation, I also want you to hear this loud and clear: They have paychecks. I have you. Maybe things are a little rough around here, money-wise, being a single mom wasn’t part of the plan. But, Scar, sometimes you have to say screw the plan. Sometimes you have to jump ship. There are so much more important things than money, and knowing when to throw in the towel is one of them. There is more than one way to live happily ever after. There’s no shame in doing things backwards. Maybe we’ll be doing homework and going to school at the same time, but I promise I will try my absolute hardest to be sure that you never go without. Your dad would also never let that happen. I guess my point here is this: You had a heartbeat before a bank account, so always always tend to your heart first. Never confuse the word can’t with the word haven’t. I love you, and staying home with you for these first four years was absolutely one of the greatest privileges of my life. I’m so thankful for your father for working so that it could be a reality. I’m going to figure out what exactly the why the universe needs me and work as hard as I can to fulfill it and provide for you.